Toggle navigation
Toggle navigation
This project
Loading...
Sign in
김연준
/
TeamProject
Go to a project
Toggle navigation
Toggle navigation pinning
Projects
Groups
Snippets
Help
Project
Activity
Repository
Graphs
Issues
0
Merge Requests
0
Wiki
Snippets
Network
Create a new issue
Commits
Issue Boards
Authored by
김연준
2019-05-24 13:58:10 +0900
Browse Files
Options
Browse Files
Download
Email Patches
Plain Diff
Commit
a4d75cb50b80689f428cbdd5f996e903c4f2ade9
a4d75cb5
1 parent
af6e6d40
Adding various jokes json file from github official_joke_api
Show whitespace changes
Inline
Side-by-side
Showing
1 changed file
with
2204 additions
and
0 deletions
jokes/jokes.json
jokes/jokes.json
0 → 100644
View file @
a4d75cb
[
{
"id"
:
1
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the fish say when it hit the wall?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Dam."
},
{
"id"
:
2
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you make a tissue dance?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You put a little boogie on it."
},
{
"id"
:
3
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's Forrest Gump's password?"
,
"punchline"
:
"1Forrest1"
},
{
"id"
:
4
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a belt made out of watches?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A waist of time."
},
{
"id"
:
5
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why can't bicycles stand on their own?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They are two tired"
},
{
"id"
:
6
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does a train eat?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It goes chew, chew"
},
{
"id"
:
7
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a singing Laptop"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Dell"
},
{
"id"
:
8
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many lips does a flower have?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Tulips"
},
{
"id"
:
9
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you organize an outer space party?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You planet"
},
{
"id"
:
10
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of shoes does a thief wear?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Sneakers"
},
{
"id"
:
11
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the best time to go to the dentist?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Tooth hurty."
},
{
"id"
:
12
,
"type"
:
"knock-knock"
,
"setup"
:
"Knock knock.
\n
Who's there?
\n
A broken pencil.
\n
A broken pencil who?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Never mind. It's pointless."
},
{
"id"
:
13
,
"type"
:
"knock-knock"
,
"setup"
:
"Knock knock.
\n
Who's there?
\n
Cows go.
\n
Cows go who?"
,
"punchline"
:
"No, cows go moo."
},
{
"id"
:
14
,
"type"
:
"knock-knock"
,
"setup"
:
"Knock knock.
\n
Who's there?
\n
Little old lady.
\n
Little old lady who?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I didn't know you could yodel!"
},
{
"id"
:
15
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the best thing about a Boolean?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Even if you're wrong, you're only off by a bit."
},
{
"id"
:
16
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Inheritance"
},
{
"id"
:
17
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do programmers like to hangout?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The Foo Bar."
},
{
"id"
:
18
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the programmer quit his job?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he didn't get arrays."
},
{
"id"
:
19
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It ended in a tie."
},
{
"id"
:
20
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a laughing motorcycle?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Yamahahahaha."
},
{
"id"
:
21
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"A termite walks into a bar and says..."
,
"punchline"
:
"'Where is the bar tended?'"
},
{
"id"
:
22
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Narnia business!"
},
{
"id"
:
23
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because Oct 31 == Dec 25"
},
{
"id"
:
24
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks..."
,
"punchline"
:
"'Can I join you?'"
},
{
"id"
:
25
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
,
"punchline"
:
"None that's a hardware problem"
},
{
"id"
:
26
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program"
,
"punchline"
:
"the rest of them will write Perl"
},
{
"id"
:
27
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"['hip', 'hip']"
,
"punchline"
:
"(hip hip array)"
},
{
"id"
:
28
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"To understand what recursion is..."
,
"punchline"
:
"You must first understand what recursion is"
},
{
"id"
:
29
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"There are 10 types of people in this world..."
,
"punchline"
:
"Those who understand binary and those who don't"
},
{
"id"
:
30
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Put it on my bill"
},
{
"id"
:
31
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It gets toad away"
},
{
"id"
:
32
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?"
,
"punchline"
:
"they were cooked in Greece"
},
{
"id"
:
33
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Which song would an exception sing?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Can't catch me - Avicii"
},
{
"id"
:
34
,
"type"
:
"knock-knock"
,
"setup"
:
"Knock knock.
\n
Who's there?
\n
Opportunity."
,
"punchline"
:
"That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!"
},
{
"id"
:
35
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do Java programmers wear glasses?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they don't C#"
},
{
"id"
:
36
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he was a fungi."
},
{
"id"
:
37
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he was a fungi."
},
{
"id"
:
38
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity..."
,
"punchline"
:
"It's impossible to put down"
},
{
"id"
:
39
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?"
,
"punchline"
:
"European"
},
{
"id"
:
40
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Never mind...it's tearable"
},
{
"id"
:
41
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I just watched a documentary about beavers."
,
"punchline"
:
"It was the best dam show I ever saw"
},
{
"id"
:
42
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"If you see a robbery at an Apple Store..."
,
"punchline"
:
"Does that make you an iWitness?"
},
{
"id"
:
43
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says..."
,
"punchline"
:
"I'm sorry, we don't serve food here"
},
{
"id"
:
44
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he was a little horse"
},
{
"id"
:
45
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"If you boil a clown..."
,
"punchline"
:
"Do you get a laughing stock?"
},
{
"id"
:
46
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day..."
,
"punchline"
:
"He loves his pot."
},
{
"id"
:
47
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Don't look at the eclipse through a colander."
,
"punchline"
:
"You'll strain your eyes."
},
{
"id"
:
48
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer."
,
"punchline"
:
"I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!"
},
{
"id"
:
49
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do chicken coops only have two doors?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans"
},
{
"id"
:
50
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a factory that sells passable products?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A satisfactory"
},
{
"id"
:
51
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Yep, people are just dying to get in there"
},
{
"id"
:
52
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He couldn't see himself doing it"
},
{
"id"
:
53
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you make holy water?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You boil the hell out of it"
},
{
"id"
:
54
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I had a dream that I was a muffler last night."
,
"punchline"
:
"I woke up exhausted!"
},
{
"id"
:
55
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why is peter pan always flying?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he neverlands"
},
{
"id"
:
56
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you check if a webpage is HTML5?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Try it out on Internet Explorer"
},
{
"id"
:
57
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a cow with no legs?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Ground beef!"
},
{
"id"
:
58
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I dropped a pear in my car this morning."
,
"punchline"
:
"You should drop another one, then you would have a pair."
},
{
"id"
:
59
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Random Dude: [...💘]"
},
{
"id"
:
60
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"A user interface is like a joke."
,
"punchline"
:
"If you have to explain it then it is not that good."
},
{
"id"
:
61
,
"type"
:
"knock-knock"
,
"setup"
:
"Knock knock.
\n
Who's there?
\n
Hatch.
\n
Hatch who?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Bless you!"
},
{
"id"
:
62
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call sad coffee?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Despresso."
},
{
"id"
:
63
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To make ends meat."
},
{
"id"
:
64
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the hungry clock?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It went back four seconds."
},
{
"id"
:
65
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Well..."
,
"punchline"
:
"That’s a deep subject."
},
{
"id"
:
66
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did You Hear The Story About The Cheese That Saved The World?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It was legend dairy."
},
{
"id"
:
67
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did You Watch The New Comic Book Movie?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It was very graphic!"
},
{
"id"
:
68
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I Started A New Business Making Yachts In My Attic This Year..."
,
"punchline"
:
"The sails are going through the roof."
},
{
"id"
:
69
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I Got Hit In the Head By A Soda Can, But It Didn't Hurt That Much..."
,
"punchline"
:
"It was a soft drink."
},
{
"id"
:
70
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"I Can't Tell If I Like This Blender..."
,
"punchline"
:
"It keeps giving me mixed results."
},
{
"id"
:
71
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"WI Couldn't Get A Reservation At The Library..."
,
"punchline"
:
"They were fully booked."
},
{
"id"
:
72
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP..."
,
"punchline"
:
"...but you might not get it."
},
{
"id"
:
73
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"The punchline often arrives before the set-up."
,
"punchline"
:
"Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?"
},
{
"id"
:
74
,
"type"
:
"programming"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they use a strongly typed language."
},
{
"id"
:
75
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you give to a lemon in need?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lemonaid."
},
{
"id"
:
76
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Never take advice from electrons."
,
"punchline"
:
"They are always negative."
},
{
"id"
:
78
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?"
,
"punchline"
:
"No, I got them all cut."
},
{
"id"
:
79
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What time is it?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I don't know... it keeps changing."
},
{
"id"
:
80
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says,
\"
Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
\"
"
,
"punchline"
:
"Pop,goes the weasel."
},
{
"id"
:
81
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Bad at golf?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Join the club."
},
{
"id"
:
82
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump."
},
{
"id"
:
83
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Can February march?"
,
"punchline"
:
"No, but April may."
},
{
"id"
:
84
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Can I watch the TV?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Yes, but don’t turn it on."
},
{
"id"
:
85
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Dad, can you put my shoes on?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I don't think they'll fit me."
},
{
"id"
:
86
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They say the business is toast."
},
{
"id"
:
87
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They had a reptile dysfunction."
},
{
"id"
:
88
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?"
,
"punchline"
:
"There was nothing left but de Brie."
},
{
"id"
:
89
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It was udder destruction."
},
{
"id"
:
90
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They say he made a mint."
},
{
"id"
:
91
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He's all right now."
},
{
"id"
:
92
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It's ok, he woke up."
},
{
"id"
:
93
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He had loco motives"
},
{
"id"
:
94
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere."
},
{
"id"
:
95
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He just took it in stride"
},
{
"id"
:
96
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He had a very esteemed colleague."
},
{
"id"
:
97
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear about the submarine industry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It really took a dive..."
},
{
"id"
:
98
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Now we just have to call him Dav."
},
{
"id"
:
99
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It reads
\"
Small medium at large.
\"
"
},
{
"id"
:
100
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?"
,
"punchline"
:
"She was a roman catholic."
},
{
"id"
:
101
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear the news?"
,
"punchline"
:
"FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on."
},
{
"id"
:
102
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Neither did he."
},
{
"id"
:
103
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?"
,
"punchline"
:
"But most just have 4."
},
{
"id"
:
104
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do ghosts call their true love?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Their ghoul-friend"
},
{
"id"
:
105
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you know that protons have mass?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I didn't even know they were catholic."
},
{
"id"
:
106
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Just in case you get a hole in one."
},
{
"id"
:
107
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Guilty"
},
{
"id"
:
108
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The stock market."
},
{
"id"
:
109
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?"
,
"punchline"
:
"In a nutshell, it's an oak tree."
},
{
"id"
:
110
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Ever wondered why bees hum?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It's because they don't know the words."
},
{
"id"
:
111
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They mostly wrap."
},
{
"id"
:
112
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Have you heard of the band 1023MB?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They haven't got a gig yet."
},
{
"id"
:
113
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Never mind, I shouldn't spread it."
},
{
"id"
:
114
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How are false teeth like stars?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They come out at night!"
},
{
"id"
:
115
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How can you tell a vampire has a cold?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They start coffin."
},
{
"id"
:
116
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He was a good conductor."
},
{
"id"
:
117
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How come the stadium got hot after the game?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because all of the fans left."
},
{
"id"
:
118
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He felt his presents."
},
{
"id"
:
119
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He ate the pizza before it was cool."
},
{
"id"
:
120
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do hens stay fit?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They always egg-cercise!"
},
{
"id"
:
121
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do locomotives know where they're going?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lots of training"
},
{
"id"
:
122
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do the trees get on the internet?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They log on."
},
{
"id"
:
123
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you find Will Smith in the snow?"
,
"punchline"
:
" Look for fresh prints."
},
{
"id"
:
124
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you fix a broken pizza?"
,
"punchline"
:
"With tomato paste."
},
{
"id"
:
125
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You use a pumpkin patch."
},
{
"id"
:
126
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you get a baby alien to sleep?"
,
"punchline"
:
" You rocket."
},
{
"id"
:
127
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you get two whales in a car?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Start in England and drive West."
},
{
"id"
:
128
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Your head hits the ceiling!"
},
{
"id"
:
129
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you make a hankie dance?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Put a little boogie in it."
},
{
"id"
:
130
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you make holy water?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You boil the hell out of it."
},
{
"id"
:
131
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you organize a space party?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You planet."
},
{
"id"
:
132
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you steal a coat?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You jacket."
},
{
"id"
:
133
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You will see one later and one in a while."
},
{
"id"
:
134
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does a dyslexic poet write?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Inverse."
},
{
"id"
:
135
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does a French skeleton say hello?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Bone-jour."
},
{
"id"
:
136
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does a penguin build it’s house?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Igloos it together."
},
{
"id"
:
137
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does a scientist freshen their breath?"
,
"punchline"
:
"With experi-mints!"
},
{
"id"
:
138
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How does the moon cut his hair?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Eclipse it."
},
{
"id"
:
139
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many apples grow on a tree?"
,
"punchline"
:
"All of them!"
},
{
"id"
:
140
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many bones are in the human hand?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A handful of them."
},
{
"id"
:
141
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."
},
{
"id"
:
142
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Let's go ride bikes!"
},
{
"id"
:
143
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?"
,
"punchline"
:
"1 or 2? 1... or 2?"
},
{
"id"
:
144
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many seconds are in a year?"
,
"punchline"
:
"12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc"
},
{
"id"
:
145
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Brazilian"
},
{
"id"
:
146
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Ten-tickles!"
},
{
"id"
:
147
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How much does a hipster weigh?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An instagram."
},
{
"id"
:
148
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A little shaken."
},
{
"id"
:
149
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Is the pool safe for diving?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It deep ends."
},
{
"id"
:
150
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Is there a hole in your shoe?"
,
"punchline"
:
"No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?"
},
{
"id"
:
151
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Pasta la vista, baby!"
},
{
"id"
:
152
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?"
,
"punchline"
:
"200 Dollars."
},
{
"id"
:
153
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Want to hear a chimney joke?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Got stacks of em! First one's on the house"
},
{
"id"
:
154
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Want to hear a joke about construction?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nah, I'm still working on it."
},
{
"id"
:
155
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Want to hear my pizza joke?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Never mind, it's too cheesy."
},
{
"id"
:
156
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What animal is always at a game of cricket?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A bat."
},
{
"id"
:
157
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What are the strongest days of the week?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays."
},
{
"id"
:
158
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What biscuit does a short person like?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Shortbread. "
},
{
"id"
:
159
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What cheese can never be yours?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nacho cheese."
},
{
"id"
:
160
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A spelling bee."
},
{
"id"
:
161
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?"
,
"punchline"
:
"She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all."
},
{
"id"
:
162
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?"
,
"punchline"
:
" Billy Jeans!"
},
{
"id"
:
163
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did one nut say as he chased another nut?"
,
"punchline"
:
" I'm a cashew!"
},
{
"id"
:
164
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did one plate say to the other plate?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Dinner is on me!"
},
{
"id"
:
165
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did one snowman say to the other snow man?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Do you smell carrot?"
},
{
"id"
:
166
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did one wall say to the other wall?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I'll meet you at the corner!"
},
{
"id"
:
167
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lil Caesars"
},
{
"id"
:
168
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the 0 say to the 8?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nice belt."
},
{
"id"
:
169
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the beaver say to the tree?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It's been nice gnawing you."
},
{
"id"
:
170
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the big flower say to the littler flower?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Hi, bud!"
},
{
"id"
:
180
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Bison."
},
{
"id"
:
181
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Look, no hands!"
},
{
"id"
:
182
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the dog say to the two trees?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Bark bark."
},
{
"id"
:
183
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Cool Ranch!"
},
{
"id"
:
184
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Damn!"
},
{
"id"
:
185
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the grape do when he got stepped on?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He let out a little wine."
},
{
"id"
:
186
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the judge say to the dentist?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"
},
{
"id"
:
187
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I’ll ketch up"
},
{
"id"
:
188
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the left eye say to the right eye?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Between us, something smells!"
},
{
"id"
:
189
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the mountain climber name his son?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Cliff."
},
{
"id"
:
189
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the ocean say to the beach?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Thanks for all the sediment."
},
{
"id"
:
190
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the ocean say to the shore?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nothing, it just waved."
},
{
"id"
:
191
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They're really good at it."
},
{
"id"
:
192
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Aye Matey!"
},
{
"id"
:
193
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the Red light say to the Green light?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Don't look at me I'm changing!"
},
{
"id"
:
194
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the scarf say to the hat?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer."
},
{
"id"
:
195
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the shy pebble wish for?"
,
"punchline"
:
"That she was a little boulder."
},
{
"id"
:
196
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Don't look I'm changing!"
},
{
"id"
:
197
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Make me one with everything."
},
{
"id"
:
198
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do birds give out on Halloween?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Tweets."
},
{
"id"
:
199
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do I look like?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A JOKE MACHINE!?"
},
{
"id"
:
200
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do prisoners use to call each other?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Cell phones."
},
{
"id"
:
201
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do vegetarian zombies eat?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Grrrrrainnnnnssss."
},
{
"id"
:
202
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a bear with no teeth?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A gummy bear!"
},
{
"id"
:
203
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a bee that lives in America?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A USB."
},
{
"id"
:
204
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A stick."
},
{
"id"
:
205
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a careful wolf?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Aware wolf."
},
{
"id"
:
206
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a cow on a trampoline?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A milk shake!"
},
{
"id"
:
207
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a cow with no legs?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Ground beef."
},
{
"id"
:
208
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a cow with two legs?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lean beef."
},
{
"id"
:
209
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
},
{
"id"
:
210
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Popsicle."
},
{
"id"
:
211
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a dictionary on drugs?"
,
"punchline"
:
"High definition."
},
{
"id"
:
212
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?"
,
"punchline"
:
"a labracadabrador"
},
{
"id"
:
213
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?"
,
"punchline"
:
"R2 detour."
},
{
"id"
:
214
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a duck that gets all A's?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A wise quacker."
},
{
"id"
:
215
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a fake noodle?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An impasta."
},
{
"id"
:
216
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A metro-gnome"
},
{
"id"
:
217
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a fat psychic?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A four-chin teller."
},
{
"id"
:
218
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a fly without wings?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A walk."
},
{
"id"
:
219
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a girl between two posts?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Annette."
},
{
"id"
:
220
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a group of disorganized cats?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A cat-tastrophe."
},
{
"id"
:
221
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An Orca-stra."
},
{
"id"
:
222
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a monkey in a mine field?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A babooooom!"
},
{
"id"
:
223
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Shakespeare."
},
{
"id"
:
224
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a pig that knows karate?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A pork chop!"
},
{
"id"
:
225
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a pig with three eyes?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Piiig"
},
{
"id"
:
226
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a pile of cats?"
,
"punchline"
:
" A Meowtain."
},
{
"id"
:
227
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a sheep with no legs?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A cloud."
},
{
"id"
:
228
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A poutine."
},
{
"id"
:
229
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call an alligator in a vest?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An in-vest-igator!"
},
{
"id"
:
230
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Roberto"
},
{
"id"
:
231
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Talonted!"
},
{
"id"
:
232
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An irrelephant."
},
{
"id"
:
233
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call an old snowman?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Water."
},
{
"id"
:
234
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call cheese by itself?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Provolone."
},
{
"id"
:
235
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call corn that joins the army?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Kernel."
},
{
"id"
:
236
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call someone with no nose?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nobody knows."
},
{
"id"
:
237
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you call two barracuda fish?"
,
"punchline"
:
" A Pairacuda!"
},
{
"id"
:
238
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you do on a remote island?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Try and find the TV island it belongs to."
},
{
"id"
:
239
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you do when you see a space man?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Park your car, man."
},
{
"id"
:
240
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you get hanging from Apple trees?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Sore arms."
},
{
"id"
:
241
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A bah-humbug."
},
{
"id"
:
242
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A fowl smell!"
},
{
"id"
:
243
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Hare spray."
},
{
"id"
:
244
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Frostbite."
},
{
"id"
:
245
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What do you give a sick lemon?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lemonaid."
},
{
"id"
:
246
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What does a clock do when it's hungry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It goes back four seconds!"
},
{
"id"
:
247
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What does a female snake use for support?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A co-Bra!"
},
{
"id"
:
248
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What does a pirate pay for his corn?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A buccaneer!"
},
{
"id"
:
249
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What does an angry pepper do?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It gets jalapeño face."
},
{
"id"
:
250
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It gets toad."
},
{
"id"
:
251
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They will give you a piece of your mind."
},
{
"id"
:
252
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What has ears but cannot hear?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A field of corn."
},
{
"id"
:
253
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?"
,
"punchline"
:
" I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand..."
},
{
"id"
:
254
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is a tornado's favorite game to play?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Twister!"
},
{
"id"
:
255
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is a vampire's favorite fruit?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A blood orange."
},
{
"id"
:
256
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is a witch's favorite subject in school?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Spelling!"
},
{
"id"
:
257
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is red and smells like blue paint?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Red paint!"
},
{
"id"
:
258
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I don't know and I don't care."
},
{
"id"
:
259
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is the hardest part about sky diving?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The ground."
},
{
"id"
:
260
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is the leading cause of dry skin?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Towels"
},
{
"id"
:
261
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is the least spoken language in the world?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Sign Language"
},
{
"id"
:
262
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is the tallest building in the world?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The library, it’s got the most stories!"
},
{
"id"
:
263
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What is this movie about?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It is about 2 hours long."
},
{
"id"
:
264
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of award did the dentist receive?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A little plaque."
},
{
"id"
:
265
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of bagel can fly?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A plain bagel."
},
{
"id"
:
266
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A stega-snore-us."
},
{
"id"
:
267
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Fermilabrador Retriever."
},
{
"id"
:
268
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of magic do cows believe in?"
,
"punchline"
:
"MOODOO."
},
{
"id"
:
269
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of music do planets listen to?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Nep-tunes."
},
{
"id"
:
270
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of pants do ghosts wear?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Boo jeans."
},
{
"id"
:
271
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What kind of tree fits in your hand?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A palm tree!"
},
{
"id"
:
272
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A nervous wreck."
},
{
"id"
:
273
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A tuba toothpaste."
},
{
"id"
:
274
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What time did the man go to the dentist?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Tooth hurt-y."
},
{
"id"
:
275
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What type of music do balloons hate?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Pop music!"
},
{
"id"
:
276
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What was a more important invention than the first telephone?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The second one."
},
{
"id"
:
277
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Squash."
},
{
"id"
:
278
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's black and white and read all over?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The newspaper."
},
{
"id"
:
279
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's blue and not very heavy?"
,
"punchline"
:
" Light blue."
},
{
"id"
:
280
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's brown and sticky?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A stick."
},
{
"id"
:
281
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's orange and sounds like a parrot?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Carrot."
},
{
"id"
:
282
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's red and bad for your teeth?"
,
"punchline"
:
"A Brick."
},
{
"id"
:
283
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the best thing about elevator jokes?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They work on so many levels."
},
{
"id"
:
284
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
,
"punchline"
:
"You can tune a guitar but you can't
\"
tuna
\"
fish!"
},
{
"id"
:
285
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?"
,
"punchline"
:
"One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter."
},
{
"id"
:
286
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?"
,
"punchline"
:
"An ion! "
},
{
"id"
:
287
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They can't control their pupils."
},
{
"id"
:
288
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What's the worst thing about ancient history class?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The teachers tend to Babylon."
},
{
"id"
:
289
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s brown and sounds like a bell?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Dung!"
},
{
"id"
:
290
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s E.T. short for?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He’s only got little legs."
},
{
"id"
:
291
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?"
,
"punchline"
:
"1forest1"
},
{
"id"
:
292
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Well, the flag is a big plus."
},
{
"id"
:
293
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?"
,
"punchline"
:
"About 5000 miles."
},
{
"id"
:
294
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"When do doctors get angry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"When they run out of patients."
},
{
"id"
:
295
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"When does a joke become a dad joke?"
,
"punchline"
:
"When it becomes apparent."
},
{
"id"
:
296
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"When is a door not a door?"
,
"punchline"
:
"When it's ajar."
},
{
"id"
:
297
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where did you learn to make ice cream?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Sunday school."
},
{
"id"
:
298
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do bees go to the bathroom?"
,
"punchline"
:
" The BP station."
},
{
"id"
:
299
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do hamburgers go to dance?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The meat-ball."
},
{
"id"
:
300
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do rabbits go after they get married?"
,
"punchline"
:
"On a bunny-moon."
},
{
"id"
:
301
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The baa-baa shop."
},
{
"id"
:
302
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do you learn to make banana splits?"
,
"punchline"
:
"At sundae school."
},
{
"id"
:
303
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where do young cows eat lunch?"
,
"punchline"
:
"In the calf-ateria."
},
{
"id"
:
304
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where does batman go to the bathroom?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The batroom."
},
{
"id"
:
305
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy."
},
{
"id"
:
306
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where does Napoleon keep his armies?"
,
"punchline"
:
"In his sleevies."
},
{
"id"
:
307
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?"
,
"punchline"
:
"At the bottom! "
},
{
"id"
:
308
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Where’s the bin?"
,
"punchline"
:
"I haven’t been anywhere!"
},
{
"id"
:
309
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Which side of the chicken has more feathers?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The outside."
},
{
"id"
:
310
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Who did the wizard marry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"His ghoul-friend"
},
{
"id"
:
311
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The hip Doctor!"
},
{
"id"
:
312
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are fish easy to weigh?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they have their own scales."
},
{
"id"
:
313
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are fish so smart?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they live in schools!"
},
{
"id"
:
314
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are ghosts bad liars?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because you can see right through them!"
},
{
"id"
:
315
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are graveyards so noisy?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because of all the coffin."
},
{
"id"
:
316
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are mummys scared of vacation?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They're afraid to unwind."
},
{
"id"
:
317
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are oranges the smartest fruit?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they are made to concentrate. "
},
{
"id"
:
318
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are pirates called pirates?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they arrr!"
},
{
"id"
:
319
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why are skeletons so calm?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because nothing gets under their skin."
},
{
"id"
:
320
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It's two-tired."
},
{
"id"
:
321
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why can't you use
\"
Beef stew
\"
as a password?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it's not stroganoff."
},
{
"id"
:
322
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because then it'd be a foot!"
},
{
"id"
:
323
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?"
,
"punchline"
:
"The p is silent."
},
{
"id"
:
324
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it was rated arrr!"
},
{
"id"
:
325
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He was too far out, man."
},
{
"id"
:
326
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He made a grave mistake."
},
{
"id"
:
327
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?"
,
"punchline"
:
"So they could Scandinavian."
},
{
"id"
:
328
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he had a vowel movement."
},
{
"id"
:
329
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the barber win the race?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He took a short cut."
},
{
"id"
:
330
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the belt go to prison?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He held up a pair of pants!"
},
{
"id"
:
331
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To prove that he was framed!"
},
{
"id"
:
332
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the chicken get a penalty?"
,
"punchline"
:
"For fowl play."
},
{
"id"
:
333
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?"
,
"punchline"
:
" Because he was a little horse!"
},
{
"id"
:
334
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the coffee file a police report?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It got mugged."
},
{
"id"
:
335
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the cookie cry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because his mother was a wafer so long"
},
{
"id"
:
336
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the cookie cry?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It was feeling crumby."
},
{
"id"
:
337
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Somebody told him to get a long little doggy."
},
{
"id"
:
338
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To hold his pants up."
},
{
"id"
:
339
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To go with the traffic jam."
},
{
"id"
:
340
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the half blind man fall in the well?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he couldn't see that well!"
},
{
"id"
:
341
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the house go to the doctor?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It was having window panes."
},
{
"id"
:
342
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the kid cross the playground?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To get to the other slide."
},
{
"id"
:
343
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the man put his money in the freezer?"
,
"punchline"
:
"He wanted cold hard cash!"
},
{
"id"
:
344
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the man run around his bed?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!"
},
{
"id"
:
345
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the melons plan a big wedding?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they cantaloupe!"
},
{
"id"
:
346
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it was well armed."
},
{
"id"
:
347
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the opera singer go sailing?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They wanted to hit the high Cs."
},
{
"id"
:
348
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he was outstanding in his field."
},
{
"id"
:
349
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the tomato blush?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it saw the salad dressing."
},
{
"id"
:
350
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the tree go to the dentist?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It needed a root canal."
},
{
"id"
:
351
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Lack of concentration."
},
{
"id"
:
352
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he is 2 square."
},
{
"id"
:
353
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why didn’t the orange win the race?"
,
"punchline"
:
"It ran out of juice."
},
{
"id"
:
354
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he had no guts."
},
{
"id"
:
355
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they might peel!"
},
{
"id"
:
356
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do bears have hairy coats?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Fur protection."
},
{
"id"
:
357
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do bees have sticky hair?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they use honey combs!"
},
{
"id"
:
358
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do bees hum?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they don't know the words."
},
{
"id"
:
359
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do birds fly south for the winter?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it's too far to walk."
},
{
"id"
:
360
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do choirs keep buckets handy?"
,
"punchline"
:
"So they can carry their tune"
},
{
"id"
:
361
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do crabs never give to charity?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they’re shellfish."
},
{
"id"
:
362
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do ducks make great detectives?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They always quack the case."
},
{
"id"
:
363
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it's indivisible."
},
{
"id"
:
364
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do pirates not know the alphabet?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They always get stuck at
\"
C
\"
."
},
{
"id"
:
365
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?"
,
"punchline"
:
"They have no hands to knock on the door."
},
{
"id"
:
366
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat."
},
{
"id"
:
367
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Dunno, they're just a bit shady."
},
{
"id"
:
368
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they can't even."
},
{
"id"
:
369
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?"
,
"punchline"
:
"To prevent bat breath!"
},
{
"id"
:
370
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because they're so good at it."
},
{
"id"
:
371
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."
},
{
"id"
:
372
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because it's a little meteor."
},
{
"id"
:
373
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because there’s a Shortstop in between!"
},
{
"id"
:
374
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?"
,
"punchline"
:
"So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian."
},
{
"id"
:
375
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does Superman get invited to dinners?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he is a Supperhero."
},
{
"id"
:
376
,
"type"
:
"general"
,
"setup"
:
"Why does Waldo only wear stripes?"
,
"punchline"
:
"Because he doesn't want to be spotted."
}
]
Please
register
or
login
to post a comment